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The Royal baby: A nation’s speculation



As much as the news of Catherine Middleton’s pregnancy has made the majority of us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, we still seem to have a few skeptics in our midst. Criticism surrounding the Royal baby was inevitable, but most of it just seems to be in bad taste.

It needs to be said that I love the Royal Family; the sense of national pride that they exude can only be compared to that time the Spice

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Girls danced around on taxis. The United Kingdom’s constitutional monarchy is envied across the globe, so why do I hear so many fellow Britons making a joke of it?

Almost immediately, Twitter saw the creation of numerous Royal baby parody accounts claiming to be the fetus of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Now unless future products from Apple include the iWomb, its safe to say that Kate’s unborn child isn’t accessing social media via her fallopian tubes, nor would it waste the energy tweeting “it’s dark in here lol.”

Some of the hype surrounds the ignorant conviction that Kate Middleton was born and raised in the ghetto, when in actual fact she stems from a family of millionaires (ruling out Dappy and Tulisa as potential godparents). This has sparked an ill-witted connection with Harry Potter fans, that if their child is a boy, it shall be known as the ‘Half-Blood Prince’. Short of it being born with black greasy hair and a hooked nose, I’m not laughing.

So far, comments made about the Royal Baby have been so terribly British. I can’t be held responsible for my actions against the next person who asks if the birth of a Royal child entitles them to another bleeding bank holiday. Furthermore, bets are in about how Pippa Middleton is going to try and steal her sister’s thunder, as if she plans on running around Westminster Abbey with her top off during the Christening. Although personally, I’d rather see that than another sporting exhibit from Beatrice and Eugene’s hideous hat collection.

News of the Royal baby will stay fresh in the press for at least the next year, but does that mean we have to suffer weekly updates about Kate’s dietary programme? I only want to be notified about what she’s eating and drinking if she stumbles out of a Burger King (Burger King…) covered in her own vomit and sneezing cocaine, the probability of which is very low. In addition, the extent to which our future Queen consort enjoys a nice Whopper, I would never speculate.

Between the Olympics, the Jubilee and the Royal Wedding, the start of this decade has been particularly important to the monarchy, and whether you’re a patriot or not, one does not simply dismiss the news of a new heir to the throne without even an ounce of excitement. If you’re not fussed for the Royal Family, just think what the roaring success the bunting industry is doing for the economy.


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